The Need to Belong: Abusive relationships/ abusive partners

Almost in every teen magazine we come across stories written by teenagers who have been or are in abusive relationships. Most of these victims are women; women who are reluctant to end a relationship, or even if they do, after they leave the relationship, they begin to harbor new ideas of why things happen and most of the times they return to their abusive partners. For instance, the women that were abused come to see that their abuser had a difficult month/week/day and end up giving them a second chance. Let’s take for example Chris Brown’s and Rihanna’s case. They were a very happy couple. All their fans were fascinated with their relationship because it appeared ideal; ideal until the relationship started showing the signs of abuse. At first she would hide the abuse under make up, hair and sunglasses. However, that was not the case at the Grammys this year. That day neither Rihanna nor Chris Brown showed up. That day was when Rihanna actually understood that it was about time to stop the abuse by calling the police. However after a while we heard rumors that she got back together with Chris Brown.

Now why did she stay in that type of relationship and when she ended it, why did she go back to it? Well social psychologists can answer this question. According to them, all human beings have the need to belong; the desire to form and maintain close, lasting relationships with some other individuals. The need to belong drives people to affiliate, commit and remain together despite the obstacles. Even if the obstacles get bigger and bigger and the relationship is in crisis, people still try their best no to put and end to even bad relationships. Why? Because breaking off relationships goes against the basic tendencies of human nature, since we are designed to connect rather than separate.

If you want to read more about abusive relationships check these real stories out:


Here are some excerpts from one of the stories:
“I dated Eric off and on for a year. In the beginning, we had so much fu. But after a few months into dating, we were in his car one day and he got so angry at me that he pulled over, pushed me out, and drove away.! I was shocked, but as I picked myself up and started walking home, I told myself that it was a onetime thing.

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I became a pattern: If one day was a good day, then the next day something would set him off. I stayed with Eric because I thought I could be the one to change him- and because I was scared of what he’d do if I stuck up for myself.

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I understand exactly what Rihanna is going through- you think you love someone and will be with him forever. But ask yourself: Do you really want that the rest of your life?”
- Danielle, 22, Villa Park, IL

Bystander Effect: Another Genovese Case

In a post in June, 2008 ABC News Medical Unit writers Lauren Cox and Radha Chiatle told a news story about an accident in which a 78-year-old hit-and-run victim was left unconscious lying in the street and no one seemed to help him. There were bystanders and motorists passing by him, but none bothered to help the old man. This entire scenery, which was captured by a surveillance camera, has triggered a public debate over the issue. This story reminds us of the Genovese case, a famous case occurred in the early 1960, where Kitty Genovese was attacked and eventually murdered over a 45 minute period during which 38 people witnessed the attack and did not lift a finger to help in any way. Like Genovese, the old man was not helped by any of the bystanders simply because there were many of them and none of them did not know what to do, or expected others to help in their stead.

Here are some excerpts from the story.

Hartford, Conn., Mayor Eddie A. Perez announced his disgust Thursday after watching the footage, showing several cars swerving to avoid Angle Arce Torres, who was lying paralyzed and bleeding from the head.

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Tragically, some experts say the public's inaction is a classic social occurrence. "It's kind of a textbook case of bystander phenomenon," says John Darley, a professor of psychology and public affairs at Princeton University.

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Bystander phenomenon, sometimes referred to as bystander apathy or the Genovese effect, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are less likely to respond to an emergency when there are others around.

You can download a copy of the article for free here.

Happiness

What is happiness? Who is happy and who is not? Who is happier than others? These and many other questions are raised today in our society that many of us have attempted to answer them. So what is the definition of the word happiness?

Mane definitions are given about happiness but none of them seem to be concrete because many of us are in search of happiness and are not quite sure if we can find it or even understand it. For example when we are told a joke, we laugh. That shows that we are happy, but that condition of happiness is the most temporary one since it doesn’t last for long. Another example would be when something good happens to us. For example a student feels happy for getting a good grade on a test. That kind of happiness comes from accomplishments and rewards. These and many other examples can show what makes people happy. But what is the exact definition and how do we come to understand that what we are experiencing is everlasting happiness?

Well according to, Dan Gilbert, a psychology professor at Harvard, and author of "Stumbling on Happiness", (Recorded February 2004 in Monterey, CA. Duration: 22:02) - More TEDTalks at http://www.ted.com« and many other social psychologists, someone knows that he/she is happy when he/she enjoys many positive emotional experiences than negative ones. One concrete measure of happiness that can help us understand whether we are happy or not is the affect balance. Affect balance is the frequency of positive emotions minus the frequency of negative emotions. People, who are most of the time happy and are satisfied with little things in their lives, are the ones who know what happiness feels like. If you want t learn more bout happiness, watch Professor Gilbert’s lecture.