The Need to Belong: Abusive relationships/ abusive partners

Almost in every teen magazine we come across stories written by teenagers who have been or are in abusive relationships. Most of these victims are women; women who are reluctant to end a relationship, or even if they do, after they leave the relationship, they begin to harbor new ideas of why things happen and most of the times they return to their abusive partners. For instance, the women that were abused come to see that their abuser had a difficult month/week/day and end up giving them a second chance. Let’s take for example Chris Brown’s and Rihanna’s case. They were a very happy couple. All their fans were fascinated with their relationship because it appeared ideal; ideal until the relationship started showing the signs of abuse. At first she would hide the abuse under make up, hair and sunglasses. However, that was not the case at the Grammys this year. That day neither Rihanna nor Chris Brown showed up. That day was when Rihanna actually understood that it was about time to stop the abuse by calling the police. However after a while we heard rumors that she got back together with Chris Brown.

Now why did she stay in that type of relationship and when she ended it, why did she go back to it? Well social psychologists can answer this question. According to them, all human beings have the need to belong; the desire to form and maintain close, lasting relationships with some other individuals. The need to belong drives people to affiliate, commit and remain together despite the obstacles. Even if the obstacles get bigger and bigger and the relationship is in crisis, people still try their best no to put and end to even bad relationships. Why? Because breaking off relationships goes against the basic tendencies of human nature, since we are designed to connect rather than separate.

If you want to read more about abusive relationships check these real stories out:


Here are some excerpts from one of the stories:
“I dated Eric off and on for a year. In the beginning, we had so much fu. But after a few months into dating, we were in his car one day and he got so angry at me that he pulled over, pushed me out, and drove away.! I was shocked, but as I picked myself up and started walking home, I told myself that it was a onetime thing.

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I became a pattern: If one day was a good day, then the next day something would set him off. I stayed with Eric because I thought I could be the one to change him- and because I was scared of what he’d do if I stuck up for myself.

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I understand exactly what Rihanna is going through- you think you love someone and will be with him forever. But ask yourself: Do you really want that the rest of your life?”
- Danielle, 22, Villa Park, IL